Preparing your bedroom… preparing food… massage, and touch, and the senses… cooking together…and how about chocolate sauce? Anything that is playful, and that is like an art in any way, you can experience as part of The 64 Arts. 

You might want to explore things like body paint. Or you might want to get a kit and play with henna tattoos on each other. Or maybe draw a little heart on your beloved, or write “I love you, darling” with a little paintbrush… anything like that. 

Or play with the food. It’s okay to experiment with any of that. The goal is to have fun as you explore The 64 Arts as part of the prepa- ration for what else is to come. You can also literally play. Get one of the adult board games on the market that are meant to be used in the bedroom as part of your foreplay or as a way to spice up your relationship. 

The instructions you’ll find on the game cards will be things like: 

>>Using your mouth and tongue, orally delight three of your lover’s pleasure spots. Pleasure time is one minute for each pleasure spot. Total time… three minutes! 

>> Use only your hands on any part of your lover’s body to give pleasure. No more than two minutes allowed! 

>>Pleasure your lover erotically, from their inner thighs to their belly, with any part of your body. But do not touch their ultimate pleasure zone! 

>>Tell your lover your thoughts about giving and receiving oral love. Only three sentences required! 

>>Within the art of making love, using your hand to spank your lover is a way of stimulating and exciting sexually. Spanking must be done with love, sensitivity and awareness, never to hurt or scar. You can each take a turn, very lightly and lovingly spanking your lover’s buttocks so that it is pleasurable to them, not harmful. The lover being spanked directs the action by saying “softer,” “harder,” or “stop.” You must stop immediately if told. After you have each taken a turn, discuss the feelings and sensations you experience. Pleasure time: up to five minutes. 

>> Try this Pleasure Position: Both lovers are on their sides facing each other. Her leg is over his hips, and his leg is over her other thigh. In this position, both of you provide the movement. Once you have joined together, slowly rock back and forth, using your arms to assist your movements. With your other arm and hand be affec- tionate with each other. Keep eye contact while you make love – a difficult position. Try it! 

Let’s revisit playing with body paints and tattoos. Whether the paint is warm or cool, the feel of it is part of the sensation. Draw a red heart on your partner to symbolize your love… or a bright star as a sign that your lover is your shining star. Paint circles around the nipples… or beautiful swirled designs on the booty. If you’re ticklish, try to get beyond the tickle and be in the eroticism of the moment. 

Experiment with body jewelry – it’s temporary and you can have a lot of fun with it. 

Different signs, symbols, beads, or chains placed on different parts of the body can become part of your personal ritual. 

Play with chocolate. Feed it to your partner. Drizzle them with syrup. Be creative with your designs, or start with a good old smiley face. Paint them with liquid chocolate and a brush… and then lick it off. Write “I love you.” 

Some couples say the warm or cool feeling of the syrup is its own sensation to be savored. Have your partner tune in to the tempera- ture and try to visualize what you’re “painting” on them. Be playful. One woman said the ticklish feeling made her laugh, but not as hard as when she figured out that her partner was trying to paint a tennis match on her butt cheeks… and her crack was the net. When she rolled over, he painted sunglasses on her breasts. Now that’s sex-play! 

Water 

There’s something about water and what water does to us. Water in nature, and even water not in nature – just the natural element of water wherever it is – can open us up. It opens our senses and can make us feel playful, and connected. 

Imagine sharing a shower with your partner – scrubbing, caress- ing, washing hair. Or being in a bathtub and honoring your partner with something as simple as taking their hand, or face, or foot, and bathing them… ceremoniously bathing your partner. In the silence, you’re able to say to your partner, through water, through that sensuality of being in it together, “I love you, honey.” Wouldn’t’ that be wonderful? 

Sometimes the shower can be a real evocative place, especially when you take your time to scrub your partner’s body. Lather it with soap and bubbles, and brush against it, creating an exotic and erotic time and place from your shower. 

To share the sensuality of water and let that stream pour over you can wake you up to what’s coming next. 

Maybe it will feel a little ticklish to your partner – that’s okay. Ticklish can be an erotic sensation. Use products with an aroma you and your partner like – vanilla or lavender, for instance – and include your sense of smell in the experience. 

Maybe you’ll decide to honor your partner while bathing together. You can take her feet in your hands, and slowly bathe them as if they were sacred objects. That’s another choice that gives you an intimate sense of connecting and allows you to experience the sensuality of water. 

Perhaps you want to sprinkle flower petals in the water, or fill the bathroom with vases of blossoms in her favorite shade. The warmth of the bath, the sight of her favorite color, the smell of the flowers, and your caressing touch as you bathe part of her body… all these contribute to the experience of water opening us up. 

Opening your senses, preparing your environment, the importance of nature and water, sensual touch and massage, and bringing spirituality into your lovemaking… all these wonderful teachings of the ancient Kama Sutra are gateways to great sex! 

Sight, smell, taste, sound, touch. The word “sensual” means pertaining to one or all of the five senses… arousing or exciting the senses or appetites… or preoccupied with the gratification of the senses or appetites.

Research shows that men are primarily visual – they react most strongly to sight. Women are primarily auditory (responding to sound) and kinesthetic (responding to touch or hands-on experience.) 

Be aware of that. It doesn’t mean that everybody is wired that way, but it guides you in making an effort to evoke all of your senses, even though you’re dominant in one or the other. If you’re a typical visual male, wouldn’t it be interesting if you had to accentuate a different sense? Maybe taste. Your experience might be even sweeter if you open up that sense in addition to the visuals. 

If you’re primarily auditory, you might enjoy having your sense of sight heightened. 

When you strive to engage all five of your senses, everything wakes up, and it’s all part of the preparation for an incredible, ecstatic sexual experience. 

Within the broad range of sensuality, evoking the senses is an obvious way to awaken them. Food will evoke your sense of taste, so think about creating a ritual of tasting foods. That’s an easy one. Use a mirror to evoke your sense of sight. The sight of yourself in a mirror can bring forth a lot of emotion. Looking at your partner, your beloved, in the mirror…the sense of sharing that mirror, sharing sight together…can actually bring you together… it can bring you closer. 

You can use Nature to evoke the senses. The birds outside singing or the dry leaves of a tree crunching underfoot evoke your sense of hearing. Take a walk outside and tune in to the sounds around you. Become aware of the smell of the fallen leaves in autumn, or the smell of blossoms in the air in the spring. Maybe a ray of light streaming through the tree branches will remind you to stop and appreciate the beauty that your sense of sight provides. 

Visit an area where there are rock formations, or where there’s a lake, because all of Nature is right there, and Nature is a key part to awakening us and giving us a place to play with the senses. 

Even right outside your house, you can play on the deck or in your yard and explore what it’s like to feed each other, for example. Do it with a sense of reverence as a ritual; a ritual that you plan and enjoy. Cut up pineapple, or cantaloupe… lay out a ripe bunch of grapes… maybe a few morsels of your lover’s favorite chocolate. Feed her like a queen… or feed him like a king… and let the pleasure that your sense of taste brings you be associated with your lover and your relationship. 

Remember that the Kama Sutra is different from what a lot of books and programs and workshops today teach about sex. 

The goal of the Kama Sutra is not orgasm! It is not a mechanical route to pleasure. 

It is not like a the baseball diamond where you’re getting to first base, second base, third base, and then you hit a home run. It’s about the whole person opening up. It’s about the entire range of your potential, not just for pleasure and ecstatic sexuality, but for intimacy and bonding with your partner. The goal is not orgasm; it’s exploring everything that you can experience together. 

I’ve addressed a little bit about sight and looking at beautiful things, and we’ve touched on taste and food, and smelling the aromas of the earth, or the woods, or the food. I’ve reminded you to pay attention to hearing things, like crunching leaves or singing birds. Your sense of hearing includes each other and the sweet words that you say to each other. It includes even the not-so-sweet words you say to each other that are arousing. 

Let’s consider one of the primary ways of connecting through the senses – touch. Touch can begin as massage. Some people are intimidated by massage, but it’s easy to learn. 

In the teachings from my book, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Sensual Massage, there are four basic strokes and you can learn how to do these strokes on your own. One of them is called “Rollup,” where you roll like a rolling pin. It’s not a tickling kind of sensation; it’s using your hands on his back, for instance, so that you’re literally rolling like a rolling pin. You use a lot of pressure with this stroke, and always use oil. 

Another stroke is “Kneading It.” Knead each other’s shoulders, right down into the crevices of the shoulders. It feels great! Kneading relieves tension and opens us up to each other. It’s another easy stroke that anyone can do, and is a type of affectionate touch. 

A third stroke is “Brush It,” where you brush like a cat – without the claws, of course! You create a light touch. It might be a little ticklish, but you might enjoy the light brushing evoking all kinds of lovely sensation in your skin. 

“Tapping” is a kind of little drumming touch that is a playful stroke, or a good stroke to use after you’ve massaged your lover with the others. 

Always use massage oils to enhance the feel of all of these strokes. Practice them with lots of oil or massage cream. You can even try using powder… anything that lets you glide along the skin. And it also helps if you’re ticklish. 

There are also massage devices or tools that you can use to connect with your partner that have the added benefit of alleviating some of the strain and tension of giving a massage. Wooden ones are good for applying pressure to the back, or legs, or buttocks. 

Another device called “The Tingler” gently massages pressure points and sensitive nerve endings on the head and neck. Ten wire “fingers” gently massage the scalp, stimulating acupressure points and nerve endings on your head. Besides the wonderful feeling of a scalp massage, it also has healing properties, eliminating stress and tension. It is made from copper, which acts as a conductor tapping into your electrical fields. Use it for yourself or on your partner. A head massage can alleviate headaches, but even if you don’t require the healing properties it certainly feels good. Try it. Most people say it feels way better than they thought it would and is quite relaxing. 

Relaxing is good, because great sex happens when our bodies are relaxed. There’s a secret about touch and massage that I want to share with you. Often in our busy lives we don’t know how important it is to make an “Arc of Transition” to get ready for sex. That’s part of the beauty of Kama Sutra teachings. 

The Modern Kama Sutra emphasizes “slowing it down.” Having transition from the business of your daily life to the honoring of your partner takes an arc of transition, and some of the things that we’re talking about right now are that transition. 

Slowing it down is one of the secrets to getting in harmony with your partner. 

We’ve talked a little bit about nature, and using it to evoke the senses. There’s another aspect to nature in The Modern Kama Sutra, and that’s being erotic in nature. To be sexual outside can bring another different element into your relationship… something unusual. Being erotic doesn’t necessarily mean being sexual. But there is a continuum, from sensuality, to erotic to sexual. There is a continuum of touch, and a continuum of how we act, what we say, what we do, how we look, how we walk, how we talk. The erotic can be anywhere in that continuum. 

So it doesn’t necessarily mean having full-out sex on a rock, for example – although it can! It means allowing you to be open to that possibility. It might mean just teasing or kissing, or putting your hand on something, or down something, right? 

Couples talk about wonderful experiences they have had in their back yard, on a balcony, and even public elevators. One couple enjoyed the beach, and some of their most special memories are from when they first started dating and would lie on the sand together listening to the sounds of the surf. It was very relaxing to their senses, and it sometimes led to making love on the beach. 

Maybe this doesn’t appeal to you because you’re not an “outdoors” person. Some people are more indoor types. If you feel like you’re just not an outdoors person, and would never consider being erotic outside in any way at all, that’s okay too. You’re entitled to that! No one should ever push you into something you don’t want to do, or don’t feel comfortable doing. 

But it’s something to think about, even if only in a fantasy. You may find yourself slowly warming up to the idea. Getting away from the city and into nature can be quite refreshing. You can feel the energy from the trees and the smells of nature all around you. Tuning into the beauty and letting your senses open up to it makes some people feel free and uninhibited.

First, you want to set your bedroom up properly. Maybe you want to use incense. Or light candles. You can burn a ceremonial candle that symbolizes sharing the sacredness of exploring the Kama Sutra together. 

You might want to have sensual objects around, like a soft, smooth, or fuzzy fabric that gives a feeling of the senses opening up when you touch it. There are many objects you can use to prepare your environment, like a small statue of the Indian god Genesha, who looks like an elephant. In ancient teachings, the elephant was one of the revered and sacred animals. So was the cow, and so was the crow. This particular god Ganesha, the elephant, is prayed to or worshipped for being the remover of obstacles. 

Imagine you’ve been arguing with your lover during the day, and when night rolls around you want to be amorous. You go to the statue in your room and address it with a statement like, “Ganesha, please get the anger out of the way!” Or if you’re tired you can ask it, “Please remove my fatigue.” 

This is just one idea of one type of object that you can use. There are many ways of preparing your environment. Having pretty things at hand, like a beautifully painted fan, is a way of evoking your sense of sight. The beauty of the fan opens up your sense of sight… you’re preparing a sensual environment through your sense of sight. 

You can use pieces of nature, like small shells or smooth pebbles in your environment. Flowers…driftwood…anything that evokes nature can set a wonderful atmosphere.

Even something as simple as a pretty tablecloth adds an ornate touch that sends the message you have spent time and intention in preparing your environment. 

In this special place, tell your lover you honor them… as your friend… as your soulmate. Tell him he means everything to you, and let him receive that. Tell her she makes you feel good, and you love her. 

Stroke a soft piece of velvet and really feel it… smell the earthy aroma of a ritual “union” candle…gaze on your items from nature, or your statue of Ganesha. Thank him for removing all obstacles from your relationship. Let your environment work for you. Let it calm you and arouse you.

This workshop in the Kama Sutra can take you to a higher level in your relationship. The focus is on the real Kama Sutra, the ancient Indian text for lovemaking, and how we can use that in our lives today.

The emphasis is on sensuality, and how to approach your lover in a new and different way, and maybe try some things you haven’t tried before.

The goal is to create something for yourself that evokes a sense of play… something that uplifts you with the sensation of a new way of being and relating to your partner… something that gives you a real sense of yourself and your partner as “Sacred Beings” and leads you to look at your lover as your true beloved. You can learn how to play and open up the full dimension of your being as a sensual person, a sexual person, and a spiritual person.

The Modern Kama Sutra is about looking for ways to prepare yourself. It’s about looking for ways to be in harmony, and looking for ways to merge, or be in union, with your partner.

Preparation involves more than simply preparing yourself as a person, or the preparing a wonderful meal. You probably already have a good idea about how you can create that kind of sensual ritual. The Kama Sutra also involves preparing the environment itself.

The first thing this chapter will focus on is sensuality, or sensual love, because letting all the senses open up to your sensual side is the precursor to sexuality.

Then the focus will move to the woman, because women are the focus in the Kama Sutra. Women are the goddesses and it is the woman who needs to be honored and worshipped by the man, so that she is fully aroused and ready for you when you make love. 

The third part involves the sexual union, or sexual positions of the Kama Sutra.

Some of the positions or unions are difficult – can’t lie about that! Some positions are very advanced, because in the days when the Kama Sutra was written, people did Yoga all the time. Yoga builds suppleness and flexibility, stamina and strength. It works us from the inside out. So you’ll have an easier time with these more advanced positions if you’re already a “yogini” – which is the feminine form corresponding to the masculine “yogi.”

Yoginis are known to possess a steadfast mind cultivated through the disciplined pursuit of transcendence, an idea that is central to the practice of yoga. And even if you’re not a yogi or yogini, if you keep your spirit and mind and heart open you will enjoy these positions! 

Part of what the Kama Sutra teaches that’s so enriching, and that makes it so much fun, is something called The 64 Arts. One of those arts is Cooking. Cooking can get you aroused. Another one of the arts is Preparing Food. Not just the cooking, but the preparation of the food. Use your imagination and think about how that could lead to something more erotic and exotic. Fruit… honey… gooey, runny cheese… or chocolate sauce. Food, and the preparing of that food, is part of The 64 Arts that prepare us, believe it or not, to be a better lover.

Another way to put one of the Arts into practice is to decorate your bedroom in a way that shows that you want to make it a temple for love. Bring fresh flowers into your room, lie out a beautiful spread, or invest in bedding and accoutrements that are sensual and alluring. These all invite an opportunity for lovemaking.

Temporary tattoos are a way to share in the fun of body modification and adornment. And they don’t involve needles or a tattoo parlor!

There are products on the market that allow you to apply something to your lover’s skin, or your own skin, just for the night, or just for your lovemaking session. Making art out of your bodies is a way of bringing a sense of playfulness and sensuality into your relationship.

Music is another simple art – put on a CD that evokes romance. Reading or telling an erotic story that gives you that feeling of “Oooooo” can get you energized and ready for love after a long, hard day of work. These are fun ways to employ The 64 Arts.

You can also play with magic. Casting a spell, using a crystal, or using things that are around you in nature to create an experience. Or use poetry… or playing games. There are games that allow you to explore what it’s like to be an opponent with your partner and experience the dynamic of almost competing, but actually playing together. And seeing where that can take you.

In essence, The 64 Arts are a component of the Kama Sutra that establishes who you are as a full person. You’re encouraged to show up with your partner and explore much more than the basic mechanics of everyday sex and everyday relating.

An Erotic Guide for Lovers

The Modern Kama Sutra is a new twist on ancient traditions, showing readers how to find ecstasy as lovers and as partners. It is the perfect guide for creating a sizzling sex life and beautiful lifestyle.

The original Kama Sutra was written in India by the Hindu philosopher Vatsyayana, who is believed to have lived during time of the Gupta Empire in the 4th to 6th centuries CE (or Common Era), although it is difficult to fix the exact date of either Vatsyayana or his work. It’s an old, ancient text for lovemaking, and a way of living. It was only translated into English in the 1880’s, so in terms of how we can understand it, it’s only been around for a relatively short period of time. But it has teachings that will last forever.

What makes it so important today is that it focuses on the fact that sex is all about energy. That natural flow of energy that connects us one to the other is what the Kama Sutra is built on. And that’s what makes sex delicious.

It’s also based on something all couples need to look at, and that is: Her Pleasure First.

We’re going to learn things that allow men to adequately – and hopefully at a high level – pleasure the female in a way that makes her sing.

Then you get to share your pleasure with her! That’s what makes it so special. It is a way of relating to your beloved… to your partner, to your mate, to your lover… in a way that presents an opportunity to fully connect with someone. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t it wonderful to think that you can bring your full self to connecting with your partner? To know that you can learn to explore the full range of pleasure that your mind, your emotions, your body, and your spirit can connect in?

Part of what the traditional Kama Sutra focused on was the size of the “Lingam” – or penis – and the size of the “Yoni”- or vulva, including the vagina. The Yoni is the whole female genitalia. This is the sign of the Yoni (illustration or still) and of the Lingam.

In the ancient Kama Sutra, there were literally three sizes of the man, and three sizes of the woman. It was very important that when they came together they were in alignment. The ancient writings include teachings about this.

The ancient Kama Sutra also focuses on the force of passion and carnal desire. Passion is that energy – the sexual energy – that is a life-flow energy when we unlock our sexual spirits. That’s the essence of the Kama Sutra.

Thirdly, it focuses on the sexual response cycle, meaning where we are and how long it takes us to go from start to finish, or how long it takes to go from arousal to orgasm. We all have different timing, and that is one important reason to use these teachings of the Kama Sutra.

An especially important teaching says focus on her pleasure first. Why is that? Because women burn more slowly than men. Take a moment and take that in. Remembering it gives you the opportunity to think things like:

My partner and I are a similar size, and that allows us to be compatible.

Maybe we’re not really the same size, so we want to play with some positions that give him or her an advantage.

Maybe his passion is low because he’s sleepy today.

Maybe her passion is high because she’s ready for this kind of an experience.

Maybe it’s taking her, or him, longer to get cooking today than it is taking me.

You have plenty of time to practice these teachings, and hopefully you’re going to keep these notions in the back of your mind.

One of the teachings of the Kama Sutra that’s a favorite is that in order to be a good lover you don’t just say, “Hi honey, I’m home – let’s do it!” Right? It doesn’t work quite like that!

There’s a buildup, there’s preparation, and there’s personal preparation. Not just getting your makeup and your hair done, or being concerned with good grooming – those are the logical things. But thinking about preparation of the self.