If we look at the Kama Sutra as kind of a game board, and you go from one square to the next, to the next… it would make sense in the ancient Kama Sutra that after kissing, the next way of pleasuring her is intimate massage.
We’ve explored a little bit about a head and a face caress and a full-body caress, and we’ve gotten into kissing. So doesn’t it make sense that using our hands and fingers on our beloved might be the next stage?
In the Kama Sutra, remember that the male genitalia, the penis, is called the Lingam. The female genitalia, including the clitoris, the vagina, and the inner and the outer lips is called the Yoni. So, pleasuring the Yoni is what’s up next, okay?
This can also be very arousing for you guys. You may be smiling and thinking, “Ooo yes, I’m ready for this! This is all an opportunity, as is all the Kama Sutra, to focus in, to honor your partner and to slow things down. Remember, in each element of the Modern Kama Sutra there is an intention to focus in, slow it down, and pay attention to what you’re doing as a sensual, erotic, sacred act. So how you touch her can happen in various ways.
Lots of times, men are very eager to just jump right onto the clitoris with their finger or their hand – does this ring a bell? But just like the head of the penis, the head of the clitoris, or the pearl, is extremely sensitive – especially when we as women are not fully aroused. There’s a way of approaching the Yoni that’s slow and deliberate, a way that is sensual and looks at the whole of the Yoni as its focus… not just the clitoral bud, not just the vagina, but the whole of her is the focus.
You may want to start by putting oil on your hand. Use only a natural lubricant. Never put anything that is perfumed, or that is not a natural oil, into the vagina. This is an important part of her body, so we want to make sure that we keep it as healthy and sanitized as possible.
So after you’ve put a bit of natural oil on your hand, approach the outer lips and do a gentle massage in the folds of her lips. Use your fingers, one of each side of her lips, to gently caress up and down. Then move to the inner lips and stroke your fingers and thumbs up and down.
Try different movements, like caressing up and down as if you were stroking up and down a pillowcase or a drapery. Because a Yoni is like sexual architecture… it’s like beautiful drapery. Do you see it as that? Each one is spectacular, and beautiful and unique. So you get to look at the magnificent architecture of your own personal Yoni. Sounds good, doesn’t it?
Manual touch requires experimenting with a variety of techniques to bring her to orgasm, if that’s what you desire. Even though the Kama Sutra’s goal is not orgasm, it’s perfectly fine to go for it. You may want to try going over the top of the clitoris, going under the clitoris, to the sides of the clitoris, on the hood, around the hood, under the hood. Even a finger inside of the vaginal canal is good. All those touches are very stimulating.
We’re all different, so every Yoni is going to respond in a new and different way. If you’re life partners, it’s even more wonderful to discover all this with someone that you know and that you love. Because even though you know this Yoni, you have an opportunity to explore it and approach it in a new and a fresh way.
So experiment with different pressures of touch. Sometimes women need direct clitoral stimulation. Direct stimulation means right on what I call the “pearl,” because when a woman is aroused, and her clitoris extends, what comes out is like a pearl. In the ancient teachings it is sometimes known as the “Lotus Blossom.”
When a woman is not aroused, it’s usually retracted under the clitoral hood. So part of your job, men, is to tease it out with your finger. And again, an oiled finger or a lubricated finger is the best way. If orgasm is on your agenda, on your mind, on your radar screen…then you’re going to want to give her direct, or indirect, clitoral stimulation. It’s perfectly fine in exploring the whole range of the Kama Sutra to have an orgasm, but remember – it’s not the goal.
Some women need to have a finger or other object inserted into their vagina order to feel the swell up to an orgasmic release. So you might want to explore inside, looking for the G-Spot, which is found about one third up the vagina. Push toward the abdomen and use a “come-hither” motion with your finger. When she’s aroused, the G-spot feels like corduroy. It’s got a different texture than the surrounding tissue.
You can use full penetration of your finger into the vagina, and even reach the end of it – the cervix – which feels like a nose. You might have already figured that out with your partner.
You can also stay out of the vagina altogether and explore the whole Yoni itself. Use different pressures – firm, gentle; different directions – clockwise, counterclockwise; different parts of your body – one finger, two fingers, the palm of your hand, the heel of your hand… whatever it is that calls you or that your partner guides you to do…that’s what is going to give you an ecstatic experience of approaching the Yoni with your hand.