One of the best ways of preparing a woman for arousal is “lingual love.” That means oral love. Oral pleasuring on her is for many women the gateway to full arousal. And sometimes the gateway to orgasm too. The Kama Sutra teaches that there are many varied techniques that one can use. So just because you’ve done this before doesn’t mean there isn’t still plenty to learn. This is an opportunity to think in new and fresh ways.
Think about how you might approach her if you wanted to do something you’ve never done something before. Maybe talk about it while you’re doing it. See where it’s going and where she wants it to go. Maybe talk about what she wants you to do next. Be open to exploring. Maybe let the way you use your tongue do the talking. The best sex happens when we communicate about it. When we know what we want and what we like and we share that with our partner verbally, we have a better shot at ecstasy.
Some women have told me that they are more comfortable giving than receiving. They feel like they don’t have enough connection if they can’t see the face of their partner when they’re doing anything sexual. But it’s important to be a great receiver; just as important as being a great giver. Many women have a sense of, “Well, I’m receiving but I should be giving back.”
So it’s important to allow yourself to be in full receptive mode.
When you do that, you’re actually accessing the Divine Feminine. The Kama Sutra teaches that when we are purely receivers, we are allowing ourselves to be in the flow of feminine energy, which is by nature the receptive. The male is the active – the giving and the female is the receptive – the receiving. So we’re all tuned in, in a way, to the essence of the Kama Sutra, whether we know it or not. Isn’t that remarkable?
By allowing yourself to be fully present as a receiver to his tongue, his lips, his caressing you – however he performs that – you are actually giving a gift to him and allowing the feminine energy to swell up in both of you.
The man may want to consider, “How can I pleasure my partner with my hand or my finger? Did I go up and down… did I flick across the clitoral hood?” Because that’s an effective way of pleasuring your partner orally. And if you want to try something different, there’s an ancient technique where the man lies across the woman. So rather than approaching her where she’s in the traditional “V” shape, the man approaches her from the side. This can give a better sense of connecting as well. When the man lies across her, he’s lying on lying on her thigh and he can look up at her from a different angle, which makes some women feel more connected.
It gives both of you an opportunity for a new and different sensation, because having the head pointing upward creates a certain leverage of the tongue, and a certain angle and a certain style. When you lay your head that way you’re actually going to provoke different nerve sensations. So you may want to lick over the head of the clitoris – unless it’s too sensitive… women, speak up to your partners if it is! Or you may want to explore her lips with your mouth… sucking on the outer lips, sucking on the inner lips, probing with your tongue on the lips. Explore the entire Yoni.
You may want to try light, flicking motions – unless it’s too ticklish! Or you may want to probe. You can even use your tongue to probe the vaginal entry, which interestingly is highly erotic for some women and not erotic at all for others.
You may want to vary your style, whether you go back and forth across the clitoris, or up and down, over the clitoris, in a circle, fast… slow… medium. Think about the variety of creative methods you can use to approach your partner as though it’s for the very first time. When you look at your partner and approach her as your true sacred mate or your beloved, a freshness occurs. A new way of being happens each time. I want you to take the spirit of that intention with you forever, every time you’re with your beloved.