Number Fourteen: Seated Positions
These positions are very intimate and take a lot of trust to conduct. They allow for deep penetration of her yoni and may require him to be very muscular to support her body weight and to move her up and down.

Seated positions usually don’t last as long as other unions, as they are require more athleticism to sustain penetration. But they do
add a flavor of excitement and play.

Seated on a Chair, Facing Each Other
Both sit, or she sits and he kneels, facing her.

Seated, Facing Away
She sits on top of his lap, facing away from him.

Number Fifteen: Kneeling Positions
These positions offer deepest penetration, and permit an optimal angle of penetration for orgasm.

They allow the male an opportunity to nibble the back of her neck, fondle her breasts, and whisper in her ears.

The female can reach back with her hands and caress his waist or buttocks. She also can self-stimulate her own clitoris. He too, can stimulate her clitoris with his fingers as he thrusts.

Doggie Style
In this classic position, she is on her knees and extends her hands in front to lean on.

He kneels behind her, holding her hips.

Kneeling Variation

In this variation, he and she are both kneeling, he is behind, with his knees pressed into hers, holding her around the waist.

Conclusion

This chapter is meant to help you tap into the essence of the Kama Sutra and understand that both the ancient Kama Sutra and the modern-day one are designed to bring you as lovers into harmony, into bliss, and into connectivity, so you can share the most intimate, beautiful and sacred part of your relationship today and forever.

Continue to explore on your own, using everything you’ve learned while discovering the amazing array of sexual unions, or sexual positions, inspired by the ancient Kama Sutra. Try standing, kneeling, lying and sitting positions to bring out the passion in your relationship. Learn how to give and get control during lovemaking.

Be creative – experimentation with different positions, different locations and different times of day is one of the secrets for great sex.

I wish you many, many years of bliss. Thank you for exploring the Kama Sutra with me.

According to the Kama Sutra of ancient time, sexual union begins with the female on her back in a lying down position, with the male on his knees, or crouching, facing her. 

Number One: Widely Open 

In this position, the female is on her back, knees up, feet down, legs wide apart. Using a pelvic tilt, she can raise her hips to welcome his lingam. Use pillows for pelvic support, to help elevate her. 

Before beginning any unions, make sure that she has been amply aroused and is ready for his penetration. 

The male is in control of the depth of thrusting. 

This position offers eye contact and visual, auditory and sensual connecting. 

One variation is called Splitting a Bamboo.
She places an outstretched leg on his shoulder and the other leg extends down. 

Number Two: Rising Union 

The female is on her back and raises her thighs for penetration. 

This is the entre to the Yawning Union, in which, while the man kneels, her legs are up in the air in a V-shaped spread. 

She rests her thighs on his thighs for support and contact with him. The man’s hands support beside her or hold her hands.
This is a male-dominant position. 

The female may need to change the angle of penetration or require manual stimulation of her clitoris for enhanced pleasure, especially if she is not aroused enough at the beginning of the union. 

Number Three: Clasping Union 

The male lies on top of his female partner, facing her in classic missionary style. 

This is a position for shallow penetration, allowing for movements with friction, yet gentle thrusting motions. 

Both have their feet outstretched. 

In this position, there is greater chance for a feeling of intimacy, letting the couple establish eye contact to gaze at one another while lying body-to-body. 

Variations include:
outstretching arms over their heads and clasping hands, which can feel very intense and emotionally connected, 

or lying on their sides, facing each other, which can feel like a true embrace with penetration – very sweet and close. 

In the Kama Sutra, men should always lay on their left side, women on their right, to maximize the flow of sexual energy. 

This position can also be done with the male behind the female, which can promote deeper contact with her yoni and allow him to fondle her breasts or stroke her clitoris. 

Variation: Pressing Union 

A variation in which the female presses her thighs against his. 

Variation: Twining Union 

A variation in which the female puts one thigh across his thigh. 

Variation: Like a Mare or The Mare’s Position
A variation in which the female applies vaginal pressure against his lingam, holding it tightly inside of her yoni. This is a good way to practice exercising the PC muscles. 

Number Four: Woman Acting the Male Role 

This is a position in which the female is superior (on top) on her knees, or with her legs extended. These positions allow the female to dominate and to more fully control the union. 

She can control the speed, depth and angle of penetration, minimizing any pain and maximizing her capacity for pleasure. 

Many men enjoy these female-dominant positions, as they can see their lover… making eye contact, fondling her breasts, and experiencing the feel of surrender. 

Number Five: Full-Pressed Union 

In this position, the female has her legs pressed against her torso, with an open yoni for deep penetration and full vulva contact. 

She cannot move much, but she can adjust the angle of penetration and lift or tilt her pelvis for greater pleasure. 

Her knees are bent, thighs against her own chest, and the soles of her feet pressed against his chest. 

Variation: Half-Pressed Union 

In this variation, the woman extends one leg over his thigh. To vary the depth and angle of penetration, she can move her leg up and down. This can be a very pleasurable position for both. 

Variation: Packed Union 

This position occurs when the female crosses her legs at her ankles, with her thighs pressed together. This union promotes very intense thrusting and pleasure for both her and him. 

Number Six: The Cow 

This famous standing position mimics the mating of a cow. 

He stands behind, and penetration occurs while she is bent forward, using a pillow or cushion for support. 

This union allows deep penetration and a feeling of surrender for her, and is a very masculine position. 

He can reach down and stimulate her buttocks, breasts or clitoris. 

Number Seven: The Elephant 

This is another union for rear-entry penetration in which the female lies on her stomach, arching her hips in the air with her legs slightly apart. 

She may want to lie on a pillow for support. 

When his lingam is inside of her yoni, she squeezes him tightly by pressing her thighs together. 

Usually he rests on his elbows. 

This is an intimate position, requiring trust, and allowing for quite deep penetration by the male. 

She may feel a release of surrender. 

Number Eight: Union of the Crow 

The Crow is one of the traditional positions from the Kama Sutra. 

It is the reciprocal position for oral pleasuring of both partners simultaneously, with mouth and tongue on both the lingam and the yoni at the same time. 

This union allows you to focus on the act of giving to your partner with lingual love, then focus on the receiving of your partner’s lingual love. 

You may want to take turns stimulating each other, allowing the sensations to wash over you with each wave of pleasure. 

If you can, become aware of giving and receiving at the same time. 

In this union, let your focus be on the flow of sexual energy between your two bodies. 

This is a very intense and intimate union. 

Number Nine: Pair of Tongs 

In this union, the female is on top of the male. She can be seated while he is lying down with his legs extended. 

His lingam is inside of her yoni while she does the PC exercise squeeze. 

She can move her hips to vary sensations and she is in control. 

This is a good position for deep penetration and lasting union. 

Number Ten: Turning Union 

Turning unions allow the couple to turn over while his lingam is in her yoni. 

They can be very thrilling and may require greater skill than most. 

Number Eleven: Lotus-Like Union 

In this complicated position, she is lying in a full lotus-like spread, with her legs crossed in a yogic lotus posture, raising her thighs to touch her breasts. 

The male enters her from a kneeling or lying position. 

This is a crazy and difficult union, but try it for a different spin on your routine. 

Number Twelve: Union Like a Crab 

Similar to the Lotus Union, she is on her back with her legs contracted to touch her own stomach or abdomen while he kneels to penetrate her. 

This requires great agility, and can be very sensuous for both. 

Number Thirteen: Standing Positions 

Standing positions are exciting, and they are quite advanced. 

Standing Supported Union 

Supported Union requires that the male stand as the anchor for the weight of the two of them by leaning against a pole, a wall, or another stable surface. 

The female is picked up and embraced by him, facing him with her arms around his neck. 

This takes strength by the male to support both of their weight. 

This is a favored position for very exciting penetration, and it provides the opportunity for a tryst in nature, leaning against a tree or rocks. 

Standing Suspended Union 

This is an advanced position, with the female resting against his back from behind, where he turns to penetrate her from the side. 

Their weight is supported by each other’s bodies.
This union is only for the very strong, flexible and supple. 

We’ve covered some of the Kama Sutra’s teachings about sensuality, and the preparation that’s necessary before a sexual encounter. We’ve looked at the importance of pleasuring her first – and a little pleasure for him. Now let’s look at Union. 

Often when we think about the essence of the Kama Sutra… what is the Kama Sutra? What comes to many people’s minds is the image of sexual positions. If you’ve ever looked at any of the guides – the beautiful chapters that are out there with beautiful In- dian images of these two people, the sultan and his bride lying on a beautiful cushion or something like that – what you see are different sexual positions being enacted. 

The Kama Sutra includes a variety of the most amazing sexual positions that you can imagine. What the Kama Sutra imparts about these positions can teach you how to get to true ecstasy in a way you’ve never gone before. Union is not only the coming together of the Lingam and the Yoni, but it’s also the coming together of two people as sacred partners. It’s the coming together of your spirits, of your minds, of your emotions, and of your bodies. 

It’s a sense of union of oneness, of connectedness, of ultimate ecstasy blending into one… a sense of merging into one. The sexual union positions promote and facilitate this connectedness. Some of the positions are very advanced. Some you may not be able to do – or you’ll want to make sure you’re in really good shape to do. 

That’s one reason Yoga is so good, because Yoga enables you to do things like grab your foot behind your head and bend over three times. 

Some of the positions in the Kama Sutra actually do evoke a sense of Yoga. They look like something that someone who’s really proficient in Yoga could do without great strain. You only want to try sexual positions that you know you can do safely, and that you know you can do without causing pain. Pain is not the goal. The goal is pleasure. The goal is ecstasy. 

We begin by focusing on your partner. Honoring and worshipping your partner. Everyone knows how to do that. We have an offer- ing, or we do a ritual… maybe put out wine or flowers… maybe we share food together. We embody the divine… looking into your partner’s eyes… harmonizing your breathing with your partner… clasping hands… whatever it is that you decide works for you. 

Have oils available, so when you touch your partner sensually or erotically or sexually, your touch glides smoothly. There’s no effort; everything is easy and smooth. Have things around in your environment that make it a sacred environment – a sensual, rich, evocative environment. You want to connect with your partner in the ways that we’ve talked about, whether it’s through ritual or just sitting together and holding hands and hugging each other. Whatever it is that allows you to feel that sense of connection. 

Focus on the energy. When you are connected to your partner, you are actually able to feel energy move between the two of you. Wherever it is that you’re connected, if you tune in you can feel energy within your own body, and connecting to your partner is what’s going to elevate your sexual experience. 

When you begin by arousing your partner – remember, you always begin with her – maybe you use your hands… maybe you start with a face caress… maybe a head caress or a full body caress. 

Maybe you then go down to her Yoni with your hands. Or use your mouth and tongue on her Yoni. Maybe she then reciprocates on him with her hands or her mouth. When the woman is fully aroused you’re ready for sexual union. 

The Kama Sutra teaches positions that promote the male as the dominant, as well as some positions that give the woman dominance. Just as we discussed a man allowing his woman to give to him when he is receiving oral love, there are positions where the female is on top, and so to some extent is the “giver.” These positions are less frequent in the Kama Sutra, but they are a very significant and powerful part of how the Kama Sutra works, both the ancient and the modern. When the woman is on top, she has more control. You control the depth and the angle of penetration and thrusting, and you get to feel an energy running through your body that you otherwise don’t get to feel. 

There are positions where you are lying down and can open your- self up to him and let him do whatever he wants to do. In others, you’re tenderly locked, sometimes body to body, and you can learn to roll over in harmony, while still entwined. 

There are kneeling positions, and kneeling often gives one the sensation of reverence. If you’re kneeling and he’s behind you he can caress and hold you in a sacred embrace. If you’re kneeling face to face, or you’re sitting on him, or you’re seated on a chair, or you’re doing all kinds of positions in various ways… they open up your energy flow and promote a sense of intimate union and connectedness, and ultimately, ecstatic pleasure. 

I will show you how the positions work in order, according to the ancient Kama Sutra for modern day, because if you follow them in order, a magical thing happens. You begin to open up and you actually ascend, energetically, into higher and higher states of excitement and arousal until you reach the pinnacle of maximal, ultimate sexual ecstasy. 

Remember that it’s important to talk to your partner about what feels good as you explore and experiment with these positions. You want to make sure that you never hurt your partner. You always only do things that feel pleasurable and that enable you to feel more connected and more relaxed and more in surrender. 

You’ll want to learn how to you make sure that you pleasure clitorally, and also vaginally, on the G-Spot, and anally if you want to explore that. Whatever it is that promotes your pleasure. Finally, know that all of these positions, interestingly enough, begin with the classic missionary. She’s lying on her back, in receptive mode, and he’s climbing onto her, ready to take her to bliss. 

Most of these positions are male-dominant, with the exception of “Female in the Male Role.” To have the greatest pleasure, make sure the woman is amply aroused before trying any unions. 

The deeper penetration positions allow greater pleasure for both partners. Discuss which positions you think will help stimulate you to reach clitoral, G-Spot, vaginal, even anal bliss. The goal, remember, is not orgasm, but merging, unity, ecstasy and all the pleasure you can share as two sacred beings. Be sure to enjoy what you do, and to find the best ways to feel the best sensations your amazing bodies can bring you to experience. 

The Kama Sutra path is one of spiritual ecstasy and unity with your beloved. 

You may not have ever thought of the Crow as a sacred animal, but in the Kama Sutra, The Congress of the Crow, or the Union of the Crow is what we today call 69. Interesting, because most of us have never seen two crows in that position. Maybe in ancient times people observed it… who knows? 

We do know that using your bodies together in shared oral lovemaking can be a very intense and intimate experience. Sometimes it’s important to focus on one at a time because it can get confusing, can’t it? Some people say it’s disorienting: “Oh my, I’m getting… oh my, I’m giving… oh my, I don’t know what I’m doing! But oh! There I go! 

Sharing in this way is a very, very intimate union. It’s one of the Unions – or positions – of the ancient Kama Sutra. We want to be sure that when we share in this way, we negotiate. Speak with your partner first. “Is this OK?” “How do you like it?” Do you want the man to lay a certain way and the female to be on top of him? Do you want to be side by side? How do you want to negotiate the bodies? Do you want to take turns? Maybe you want to give to him first, and then you can take a breath and he can reciprocate. 

Or maybe you want to go for it and have simultaneous oral, because there’s something special about trusting your partner enough to engage in it. If you’re in the folds of your harmony, of your trust, of the spirit of “two as one”… if you’re really there, that’s the time when simultaneous oral really works. 

It isn’t something you jump right into. This isn’t, “Hi honey. I’m home, Boom!” kind of sex. The Congress of the Crow, or the Union of the Crow, is a very sacred union. So when you allow your- selves to trust each other enough, and trust yourself enough, that’s when you can let go enough to perform oral simultaneously. And I assure you; you are going to have ecstasy! 

The Modern Kama Sutra helps you discover how important it is for the man to pleasure the woman first. It teaches how to move from sensuality to a more erotic style and become a passionate kisser, how to use manual touch and oral pleasures on her, and how to reciprocate ecstatic pleasures for him. Focusing on her being aroused and ready is a sure path to great sex. 

In the ancient Kama Sutra, the focus was on the woman’s pleasure. But for modern day, I think it’s so important to talk about reciprocating on the man. 

With the woman, when we pleasure her, we begin with the clitoris and touching the different parts of her Yoni. Now we’re going to talk about taking hands and fingers and approaching the Lingam. 

Many times when I’m with couples, who are tired, or they’re stressed, or they’re in a sex-less relationship for one reason or another. There’s a sense of, “I can’t do anything about it.” They get frustrated or despondent. And sometimes being able to do a “Lingam release” with the hands is a wonderful way of allowing couples to connect with one another. He has his arousal needs met and released, and she feels as though she is a participant. 

It’s important to take this idea of something that occurred in India in the 3rd to 5th Century and think about telescoping all the way to the 21st Century. How does this apply to us today? It applies to us in a significant way. Being able to arouse your man is often a lot easier than arousing your woman. 

For a lot of men, the sense of sight – just seeing her walk across the room naked, or in her teddy – is enough for him to feel, “I’m ready!” 

But she may be thinking, “What are you talking about?” Right? For men, often it’s visual, and often it’s touch. And sometimes, any form of touch on the penis – or the “Lingam” as we’re calling it in Kama Sutra tradition – is something that can occur in any way. 

Often, a woman using her hands to pleasure her man is a way to create a very, very heightened arousal for him. And the better you are at it, the more pleasure you both get. The most sensitive part of the lingam is the head, for most men. And ironically, in my teachings I say that there’s a “male G-Spot,” and that G-Spot is called the frenulum. If you turn the penis down and put your hand down to the head and feel where that little ridge comes together in the back, that’s the male G-Spot. It’s the most sensitive part of most men’s anatomy. 

Maybe not for all men, but many know exactly what I’m talking about – they know that spot really well! When a woman is pleasuring a male and uses her hand up and down the shaft – oiled or lubricated in the same way as for the Yoni – and she touches that spot, she’s upping the ante on his pleasure and arousal. 

There are many ways to pleasure a Lingam. You may want to focus on the head or the corona. You may want to focus on the shaft, which has fewer nerve endings and is not as sensitive. You may want to play with the scrotum, which is a part of the male sex- ual anatomy. You may want to play with areas around the Lingam – just as with the female… You may even want to include the anus or the perineum, which is the ridge between where the genitalia are and the anal opening. 

It’s all wonderful, and healthy, and whole, and natural to stimulate and pleasure. 

Use different techniques, like going around, going up and down, and varying your pressure, just like with the female. Vary the pres- sure of light tough or intense touch, varying the speed in particular. 

I’ll remind you of this again, because it’s worth repeating: the goal of the Kama Sutra is not orgasm. However, do you think a man could have an orgasm if his partner were to give him manual lingam love in the way that I’m describing? Of course. It can and it does happen, and that’s perfectly okay, because men have a refractory period or a resting phase and come back. 

Remember, the Modern Kama Sutra is about the process. It’s not about the orgasm; it’s about the entire experience. So it may be that with your manual love you’re going to create such a high state of arousal that he’s going to pop. And it may be that he can sustain being on the edge. In the ancient Kama Sutra teachings, holding back your ejaculation was one of the goals. Not popping, not cumming, not losing that excitement that’s contained before ejaculation… often that is done by the male, or your partner, push- ing on the perineum when that urge is about to occur. 

Pushing up on the perineum is one of the ancient techniques. And here’s another secret technique for stopping ejaculation. This one is mind-blowing. If you feel that you’re getting near the urge to ejaculate, put your tongue on the roof of your mouth! It is said in the Kama Sutra that doing this stops the urge to ejaculate. It sounds weird, but try it! 

Pleasuring the man with your hand is something that you can be creative with. Think about it. You can use both hands up and down, or around. You can play with your nails… lightly, very lightly… on the head. You can go use scratchy-type teasing touches down the shaft or on the scrotal sack. You can squeeze tightly. You can use two hands or one hand and go up on that G-Spot, the frenulum, on the underside of where the coronal ridge comes together…. 

Whatever it is you do, connect with your partner. Use what you’re doing as a way of connecting to your partner and giving to him. And for you men, this is your opportunity, in an odd way, to access the feminine energy that you carry by being the perfect receiver and allowing her to find her pathway to give. 

As we know, the Kama Sutra is very big on kissing. Whether it’s kissing lips to lips, face to face, or oral-genital, the art of kissing applies to oral on a man the same as it does to oral on a woman. Oral on a man is often something that women are not as skilled at as they might like to be. The way to become a good oral lover to your man is similar to what men need to know about being a good oral lover to their woman. Except that anatomically, of course, we’re quite different! 

How you use your tongue and your mouth for pleasuring is often a gateway to both of your arousal. Certainly, often for most men, when your beloved is giving you oral pleasure on your lingam it’s pretty much going to be an orgasm. And again, the Kama Sutra teaches that orgasm isn’t the goal, but orgasm is fine if it happens as you’re practicing these techniques. 

The more skilled you become at holding back your orgasm, I guarantee, the more ecstasy you’re going to feel. So just know that being on the edge, for both men and women is part of what makes sex ecstatic in the Modern Kama Sutra. I want you to connect with that idea. 

Think about how you want to approach him. It can be kind of fun to let your mind go wild while you think about where you might want to do it. Imagine being out hiking, or at the lake boating, or outside on the deck, or in the woods, or at the beach, or wherever it is that you are… and imagine sneaking it in! Doesn’t that add an ecstatic sense to it? Doesn’t that give you more excitement? There’s something about the idea of taking it outside that adds to the ecstasy. 

There’s also something exciting about surprising him. He could be lying on the bed relaxing, and he thinks it’s time to go to sleep until you say, “I have a surprise for you!” Right? And there you are and you get into it on the bed, which is a traditional location, but he wasn’t expecting it. So the element of surprise adds the spice. 

There are so many ways to make this creative and exciting. The head of the lingam is so sensitive that for most men having a mouth or a tongue pushing, or licking, or flicking against it is total ecstasy! Many men have reported that having a woman perform lingual love on him is what they live and die for. Like, this is it! This is the ultimate! It’s an opportunity to give extreme pleasure to your partner. And often, if a man can find the control not to ejaculate, having the oral experience and then converting that heightened energy to use in full sexual union later on can be absolute rocket ship to the stars. 

There are so many ways of pleasuring a man. Consider using a flicking motion with your tongue. You can lap him up and down, you can circle the head, or you can go around it planting tiny little bites and kisses on him. You can excite him with the classic “licking an ice cream cone” move. 

When you as a woman get to give to your man with your tongue and your mouth, you get to be in a very powerful role, don’t you? So I want you to focus on what your intention is in honoring your beloved, and giving him extraordinary ultimate pleasure. 

Many men enjoy having your hands go up and down the shaft at the same time your tongue and mouth are sucking and licking, and doing every kind of motion they can. It can be really exciting and propel him straight toward orgasm. Playing with the whole lingam structure, and doing whatever feels right for you will take both of you to new levels of heightened pleasure. 

One of the best ways of preparing a woman for arousal is “lingual love.” That means oral love. Oral pleasuring on her is for many women the gateway to full arousal. And sometimes the gateway to orgasm too. The Kama Sutra teaches that there are many varied techniques that one can use. So just because you’ve done this before doesn’t mean there isn’t still plenty to learn. This is an opportunity to think in new and fresh ways. 

Think about how you might approach her if you wanted to do something you’ve never done something before. Maybe talk about it while you’re doing it. See where it’s going and where she wants it to go. Maybe talk about what she wants you to do next. Be open to exploring. Maybe let the way you use your tongue do the talking. The best sex happens when we communicate about it. When we know what we want and what we like and we share that with our partner verbally, we have a better shot at ecstasy. 

Some women have told me that they are more comfortable giving than receiving. They feel like they don’t have enough connection if they can’t see the face of their partner when they’re doing anything sexual. But it’s important to be a great receiver; just as important as being a great giver. Many women have a sense of, “Well, I’m receiving but I should be giving back.” 

So it’s important to allow yourself to be in full receptive mode. 

When you do that, you’re actually accessing the Divine Feminine. The Kama Sutra teaches that when we are purely receivers, we are allowing ourselves to be in the flow of feminine energy, which is by nature the receptive. The male is the active – the giving and the female is the receptive – the receiving. So we’re all tuned in, in a way, to the essence of the Kama Sutra, whether we know it or not. Isn’t that remarkable? 

By allowing yourself to be fully present as a receiver to his tongue, his lips, his caressing you – however he performs that – you are actually giving a gift to him and allowing the feminine energy to swell up in both of you. 

The man may want to consider, “How can I pleasure my partner with my hand or my finger? Did I go up and down… did I flick across the clitoral hood?” Because that’s an effective way of pleasuring your partner orally. And if you want to try something different, there’s an ancient technique where the man lies across the woman. So rather than approaching her where she’s in the traditional “V” shape, the man approaches her from the side. This can give a better sense of connecting as well. When the man lies across her, he’s lying on lying on her thigh and he can look up at her from a different angle, which makes some women feel more connected. 

It gives both of you an opportunity for a new and different sensation, because having the head pointing upward creates a certain leverage of the tongue, and a certain angle and a certain style. When you lay your head that way you’re actually going to provoke different nerve sensations. So you may want to lick over the head of the clitoris – unless it’s too sensitive… women, speak up to your partners if it is! Or you may want to explore her lips with your mouth… sucking on the outer lips, sucking on the inner lips, probing with your tongue on the lips. Explore the entire Yoni. 

You may want to try light, flicking motions – unless it’s too ticklish! Or you may want to probe. You can even use your tongue to probe the vaginal entry, which interestingly is highly erotic for some women and not erotic at all for others. 

You may want to vary your style, whether you go back and forth across the clitoris, or up and down, over the clitoris, in a circle, fast… slow… medium. Think about the variety of creative methods you can use to approach your partner as though it’s for the very first time. When you look at your partner and approach her as your true sacred mate or your beloved, a freshness occurs. A new way of being happens each time. I want you to take the spirit of that intention with you forever, every time you’re with your beloved. 

If we look at the Kama Sutra as kind of a game board, and you go from one square to the next, to the next… it would make sense in the ancient Kama Sutra that after kissing, the next way of pleasuring her is intimate massage. 

We’ve explored a little bit about a head and a face caress and a full-body caress, and we’ve gotten into kissing. So doesn’t it make sense that using our hands and fingers on our beloved might be the next stage? 

In the Kama Sutra, remember that the male genitalia, the penis, is called the Lingam. The female genitalia, including the clitoris, the vagina, and the inner and the outer lips is called the Yoni. So, pleasuring the Yoni is what’s up next, okay? 

This can also be very arousing for you guys. You may be smiling and thinking, “Ooo yes, I’m ready for this! This is all an opportunity, as is all the Kama Sutra, to focus in, to honor your partner and to slow things down. Remember, in each element of the Modern Kama Sutra there is an intention to focus in, slow it down, and pay attention to what you’re doing as a sensual, erotic, sacred act. So how you touch her can happen in various ways. 

Lots of times, men are very eager to just jump right onto the clitoris with their finger or their hand – does this ring a bell? But just like the head of the penis, the head of the clitoris, or the pearl, is extremely sensitive – especially when we as women are not fully aroused. There’s a way of approaching the Yoni that’s slow and deliberate, a way that is sensual and looks at the whole of the Yoni as its focus… not just the clitoral bud, not just the vagina, but the whole of her is the focus. 

You may want to start by putting oil on your hand. Use only a natural lubricant. Never put anything that is perfumed, or that is not a natural oil, into the vagina. This is an important part of her body, so we want to make sure that we keep it as healthy and sanitized as possible. 

So after you’ve put a bit of natural oil on your hand, approach the outer lips and do a gentle massage in the folds of her lips. Use your fingers, one of each side of her lips, to gently caress up and down. Then move to the inner lips and stroke your fingers and thumbs up and down. 

Try different movements, like caressing up and down as if you were stroking up and down a pillowcase or a drapery. Because a Yoni is like sexual architecture… it’s like beautiful drapery. Do you see it as that? Each one is spectacular, and beautiful and unique. So you get to look at the magnificent architecture of your own personal Yoni. Sounds good, doesn’t it? 

Manual touch requires experimenting with a variety of techniques to bring her to orgasm, if that’s what you desire. Even though the Kama Sutra’s goal is not orgasm, it’s perfectly fine to go for it. You may want to try going over the top of the clitoris, going under the clitoris, to the sides of the clitoris, on the hood, around the hood, under the hood. Even a finger inside of the vaginal canal is good. All those touches are very stimulating. 

We’re all different, so every Yoni is going to respond in a new and different way. If you’re life partners, it’s even more wonderful to discover all this with someone that you know and that you love. Because even though you know this Yoni, you have an opportunity to explore it and approach it in a new and a fresh way. 

So experiment with different pressures of touch. Sometimes women need direct clitoral stimulation. Direct stimulation means right on what I call the “pearl,” because when a woman is aroused, and her clitoris extends, what comes out is like a pearl. In the ancient teachings it is sometimes known as the “Lotus Blossom.” 

When a woman is not aroused, it’s usually retracted under the clitoral hood. So part of your job, men, is to tease it out with your finger. And again, an oiled finger or a lubricated finger is the best way. If orgasm is on your agenda, on your mind, on your radar screen…then you’re going to want to give her direct, or indirect, clitoral stimulation. It’s perfectly fine in exploring the whole range of the Kama Sutra to have an orgasm, but remember – it’s not the goal. 

Some women need to have a finger or other object inserted into their vagina order to feel the swell up to an orgasmic release. So you might want to explore inside, looking for the G-Spot, which is found about one third up the vagina. Push toward the abdomen and use a “come-hither” motion with your finger. When she’s aroused, the G-spot feels like corduroy. It’s got a different texture than the surrounding tissue. 

You can use full penetration of your finger into the vagina, and even reach the end of it – the cervix – which feels like a nose. You might have already figured that out with your partner. 

You can also stay out of the vagina altogether and explore the whole Yoni itself. Use different pressures – firm, gentle; different directions – clockwise, counterclockwise; different parts of your body – one finger, two fingers, the palm of your hand, the heel of your hand… whatever it is that calls you or that your partner guides you to do…that’s what is going to give you an ecstatic experience of approaching the Yoni with your hand. 

The art of kissing is probably the single most important part of the whole Kama Sutra, modern or ancient. So many women have expressed, “If I could only teach him how to kiss.” 

Kissing is the gateway, the pathway, the initiation of sexual bliss. Kissing can be done in many different ways, and the Kama Sutra actually teaches various forms of kissing. It’s remarkable that there are actually what you could call “kissing positions” in the Kama Sutra that you can learn to do. They promote a sense of connecting with your partner, starting that real arousal process and actually synchronizing a lot of aspects of our bodies. 

For example, when we kiss we look eye to eye. Lips to lips, eyes to eyes, breath to breath. Those are very important elements of connecting, of harmonizing, and of turning on. Let’s consider some of the different forms of kissing. 

For example, this is not one of my favorite forms of kissing, but it’s often how we begin kissing, especially with someone we don’t know: Dry lips to dry lips. Not a very erotic kind of kissing – but it is a form of kissing. Moving up the stairs, so to speak, from one level to the next and getting a little more intimate we get to the male kissing her lower lips with his lips. Think about putting your lips around her lower lip and grabbing on to it. It’s very, very sensual. For some people it’s a little ticklish but it’s arousing be- cause it evokes a different set of sensations. 

The idea is the notion of pleasuring the whole of the lips and the mouth. Instead of putting your lips around her lower lip, next try putting your tongue on her lower lip. Lick her lower lip, and as you do, you embrace her. This is a way of sending a signal that you’re ready. 

Moving up another step, try tilting your heads, changing the angles. Press your slightly open lips against hers. Focus on the sensations you create – you will feel the energy in the room change. Using that particular kissing position sends a message that feels electric. You feel the warmth of each other’s breath and these 

For another level, use your tongue to probe her mouth, building on all the other stages. You’re building stage to stage and as you put your tongue inside to probe, you’re sending a signal for intimate sexuality. 

The next level up: kiss her upper lick, and then suck on it, licking and probing. Couples are surprised at this and often ask, “Why would we do that?” Believe it or not, according to the ancient teachings of the Kama Sutra, there is a nerve connection from the upper lip of a woman to her clitoris. So I encourage you to try that one! 

For some people, kissing is how they keep the electricity flowing. A woman should try to surrender and look at it as a sensual adventure, and not just kissing. Take your mind out of thinking. Get out of the intellectualizing of the experience, and allow yourself to focus purely on the sensations. It can give you the “turning key” that you need so that you can feel the pleasure of his kiss. 

A “Body Caress” is a wonderful way of moving forward in your preparation for the ecstasy that awaits you. A body caress is like a full-body massage, but it’s not really a massage. I make a distinction between caressing and massaging. Massaging is more heavy- duty. 

Massaging is like, “Oh honey, you’ve had such a hard day. Let me relax you.” Or, “Oh, this hurts, could you rub me right here.” Massage has that feeling about it of being therapeutic. 

Caressing is lighter. A full-body caress is a way of connecting with your partner’s whole body, and of sending a signal to your partner that says, “I want all of you.” There’s something almost magical about taking the time to consciously apply your hand across your partner’s whole body. 

Right now our focus is on the woman, so the man needs to learn how to approach her whole body. After you’ve done the face and head caress, you’re going to move down. And when you start mov- ing down the body, if you choose to go from the head to the feet, you’re going to get into some touchy zones here. So be aware of that, because arousal can happen very quickly. For some women, just having their breast area touched is a key to arousal. 

Remember, the idea of the Kama Sutra teaching is not about orgasm. It is about arousing the woman so she’s ready for sexual intercourse. The whole idea is to arouse her… to prepare the way for her maximum arousal so that she’s completely ready when sex- ual union takes place. 

Full-body caress might involve long strokes – strokes using oil or powder that let you elongate all the way down her body. You might want to flip her onto her front, face down, as a beginning and then get into those shoulders as a way of doing a full-body caress.  

Relaxing her is one of the purposes of the body caress. Part of the preparation is to get her as relaxed as humanly possible. Because here’s a secret everyone needs to know: Great sex happens in a relaxed body. Not a tired body, not a tense body, not a worried or an anxious body. A relaxed body. And some of that relaxation comes from breathing – our own self-control of our breathing – and some comes from things like a full-body caress. 

So start at the shoulders and work your way down the back. Stroke around the back with tender and gentle caresses, or reach across her to the side and gently caress back to the other side. Experiment with different positions to determine where to sit for the best access to different parts of her body. Give her every kind of stroke you can think of. 

Use light feathery touches, but not too ticklish if your partner is the ticklish kind. Use a stroke that sends the signal, “I care about you… I honor you… I love you… I want to please you… I want to give to you.” 

The woman should be in a receiving mode and the man in a giving mode. You probably already know this, but there’s some- thing fantastic that happens when you really, purely give, such as giving a stroke along her back, or her thighs, or from the top of her legs down to the feet – don’t ever forget the feet. 

When you’re in full presence of giving you’re getting something back. That idea of giving and receiving is one of the themes of the Kama Sutra, then and now. Focus on that as you administer your touch. 

Let’s explore another key part of the Modern Kama Sutra: Pleasuring Her First. We move from the sensual to the erotic, and one of the best ways of doing that is to start at the top. By that I mean start at the top of her body. 

Think about giving her a head and a face massage. Some people enjoy having their face caressed. It can be very sweet when your partner reaches over and gently strokes your cheek, or takes your face in his hands when you’re kissing. It’s like saying, “I see you and I love you.” 

Someone touching your skin can be a calming sensation. The way your parents touched you when you were a baby calmed you and made you feel loved. It can be the same thing with your partner. 

Our faces are a vulnerable part of our bodies. We don’t allow just anyone to touch us there, and most people wouldn’t even attempt to touch someone’s face without implicit permission. Women have probably experienced having their faces touched more than men have, although now many men go to salons or for massages, where they would experience it also. 

Having someone get in there and massage the scalp is a unique sensation, and it can be wonderful to use that as the beginning of your process of ritual. 

Caressing and massaging the head and face is one of the keys to the gateway to love. 

We often hold tension in the head or the scalp, so the whole idea of opening her up starts with relaxation there. And remember, we’re focusing on her now. The men will have their turn later, but first we’re pleasuring and pleasing the woman. 

So we begin with the scalp. Use your fingers to burrow through her hair for a gentle, soothing scalp massage. Don’t use oil or lotion because getting her hair oily or greasy is not the goal. The idea is to create relaxation and to honor your partner. The head and face caress is a beautiful way of beginning this relaxation because it gives both of you a chance to quiet down. 

She can lay her head on your lap, or lie down on the bed, or even sit in a chair. You start at the top of the forehead and go all around the face, avoiding the eyes. Gently caress around the bones of the face, never pressing on them, and experiment with different strokes, whether it’s gently rubbing, or kneading a little bit to cre- ate more relaxation. Caress with such a loving intention that you’re literally using your fingers and hands to send your love and your honor into your partner’s face. 

It can be amazing when you use just your touch, and without speaking, connect with your partner in a way that is the essence of the Kama Sutra teachings. In such a way we evoke a sense of unity and a sense of harmony with our partner. 

Incorporate the “Tingler” head massager we talked about or a simi- lar device to gently massage pressure points and sensitive nerve endings on the head. The “fingers” of these therapeutic devices stimulate acupressure points on the scalp and neck and can have exceptional healing properties, eliminating stress and tension. For some people, this kind of scalp massage can even make a head- ache disappear. 

Don’t forget the temples. A gentle loving stroke around the temples in one direction and then the other can be the most relaxing part of a head massage. It will bring an especially soothing pleasure to your partner.